I was released from the hospital on Sunday. I was able to
remain home until Wednesday afternoon when I was sent back to the hospital, where I still am. Everyone keeps saying it’s “where I need to be.” I understand
this and guess I agree, but that doesn’t make it easier being in here.
My days at home were rough. I was very weak, lethargic,
alternating from nauseous to hungry to not knowing what I wanted. I’d go from
fevers to sweats to clamminess. Every tissue in my body hurt. It was obvious
that the chemo was ravaging through me. I could barely walk up and down the
stairs. My mouth began to fill with thrush and ulcers. I was not in any shape
to take care of myself.
Craig took care of me on the weekend and in the evenings and
my mom or sister or a combination of during the days. On Wednesday my mom and dad
came together to take care of me. I
was scheduled to go into the clinic for bloodwork, but I knew before getting
there that things would be very low. I woke up with dotted bruises along my
arms and my stomach and even around my eyes, indicative of low platelet count (the blood
cells responsible for clotting). I now know that’s called petechiae.
I could barely stand getting to the clinic in Avon. They
pricked my finger and ran my blood through the machine. My counts barely
registered. I am very neutropenic, meaning no immune system. My white blood
cells are 0.1 and the machine couldn’t even calibrate the breakdown of types of
cells within that. My absolute neutrophil count was unreadable.
Most concerning was that – as suspected – my platelet count
was only 6 K/uL. People are supposed to fall within the 140-440 K/uL range.
Transfusions are usually done around 12.
Dr. Dailey didn’t want me walking around like that and
didn’t like the low and high temperatures I was having, nor the symptoms I was
describing. I got a direct admission back to the cancer floor I had come from
just three days earlier. I’m still
here and probably will be for a few more days. Despite having received the bone
marrow-stimulating shot of Neulasta on Monday, my white cells haven’t started
climbing yet. I’m on broad-spectrum antibiotic just in case there is an
underlying infection. I’ve already received a bag of platelets and am right now
waiting on a bag of red cells. I guess this is like a tune-up. However, they
really don’t want to let me go until my white cells start trending upward and
it’s tough to know how long that will be.
I’m wiped out for sure. But I signed up for this. I knew it
was going to be hard. I guess it’s hard to imagine how hard it would get and it’s
hard to remember that I’ve been this low before and I have come out of it. My doctors told me before we
started that it was very likely I’d be back in the hospital after not too long
receiving blood products and rebuilding while being monitored. No one sugar
coated this for me, I just hoped I was going to slide through a little easier.
