All day I haven't been able to form a cohesive sentence and my mind is moving very, very slowly. I'd catch myself just staring at the wall for a good 30 minutes trying to get the energy to get up to go to the bathroom - which I do so, so often. I am so pumped with fluids it is painful. I have been hooked up to IV fluids since Monday at noon - nonstop. Plus, I'm supposed to continually be drinking and I'm getting the big bags of chemo dripped in. So, I feel like a walking swollen udder. My hands and feet feel double their size and my face especially feels so swollen. Some may mistake my stomach for a baby bump it's so swollen and hard. I feel like I've gained 85 pounds since I've been here but my mom and Craig say it's all in my head ... . Right. The steroids make me ravenous so dinner has been a big dinner and I'm sure that doesn't help with how beefy I feel.
Adding insult to injury is the dryness of the air here which causes my skin to feel so tight and the skin on my hands is just peeling away. Plus I'm struggling with being able to regulate my own temperature. All the drugs and the Lupron which has put me into temporary menopause causes lots of hot flashes and sweats - believe me, my heart goes out to middle age women going through this. The heat waves are unreal. I look forward to a shower at home and my humidifier and new tempurpedic pillow. Plus, of course, a big Sammy hug. Ahhhh.
As today is St. Patrick's Day Craig brought me over a heaping plate of corned beef, chunky garlic mashed potatoes and asparagus from Whole Foods. That certainly satisfied the palate and made me feel like I had a little bit of a St. Patty's celebration, though no Guinness this year - Carbolatnin, Iphosphomide and Etoposide instead. Not exactly an even trade off.
We didn't end up having the St. Patrick's Day parade around the floor. On one of my walks Jennifer spotted me and asked if I was ready to shake my shamrocks. I told her that there'd be no shamrock shaking tonight. Shaking might just put me over the edge. She laughed.
But my mom, Craig and I had a nice St. Patty's evening visit and my Uncle Kevin swung by for a visit as well. Earlier in the evening the vice president of the cancer program came to see me which really meant a lot. We work together in my career capacity here at the hospital and it was so sweet of her to take the time out of her crazy busy schedule to come see me and to offer lots of words of encouragement. It's wonderful to have people around with such positive energy and I am continually so thankful for the amazing care that I've gotten here.
I even landed a massage and a Reiki session back-to-back so I had some good relaxation this afternoon. The Integrative Medicine department here is so integral to the healing process. Something like that can really brighten a day for someone who just has no energy left and can just lay there and be pampered. It was perfect.
Word is that I get to be released tomorrow morning and I am very, very much looking forward to being unhooked and to getting out in the fresh air instead of looking longingly at the sunny, blue sky from my hospital bed.
But for now it's time for bed. I am so, so, so tired despite so much sleeping. I guess there's a lot of action going on in this body. I've got to give my good cells a fighting chance.