Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Pissed Off

It is not a chest infection. The cancer is somehow back with a vengeance, despite all the high-dose chemotherapy and 2 transplants. I am very mad. But even more so I am very, very sad.

As Dr. Cooper described it, the cancer that has decided to nest inside me is very "pissed off." He's only once in his 25 years seen it come back so aggressively and so quickly after such a high-dose regimen.

I do not understand what it wants from me.

I will write more when I can have the capacity to accept this as reality.


  1. Karin & Craig,
    We can't begin to understand or say we know how you feel. But we can let you both know that you are held very dearly in our hearts. You are both in our thoughts constantly and it's not enough. Nothing is enough. Be pissed off....be whatever the hell you want, but know this...there are a lot of pissed off people right there with you.
    -Bill & Trish

  2. We are as pissed off as you are---stay strong and there must be a new plan---I hate all cancer but you are soooo strong---keep fighting xoxo Bev & Blake xoxoxo

  3. My heart aches for you. I know I don't know you nor you me but I'm pissed off and backing you up in that emotion. HUGS Will continue praying for you and believing in YOU. Hang in there. HUGS

  4. I don't know what to say except that I am furious right with you. Your Arts Council friends are giving those damn cells one collective major finger today, and sending you all of our love.
    - Rie

  5. My heart hurts...you are in my thoughts and prayers...Much love - Karen Jacobs

  6. This is a terrible disappointment for you,but please dont lose hope,or your fighting spirit. They will get it right this time. Dear little brave girl, you are so full of life, and you will get through this. You are in our hearts and our prayers. Sending love to you and your family, Irene

  7. I wish we could all transfuse our prayers and anger into your body to fight this terrible invasion. It's not fair you have been working so hard, please know our prayers have quadrupled and we will fight harder.

  8. Purity in your soul-an attribute that gives you
    Inner strength
    Simply remarkable person
    Secure your future life-by all means & ways
    Endurance beyond norm
    Determination beyond the norm

    Offense in overdrive
    Fight off the insidious cancer cells
    Family, friends, foreigners - forever behind you

  9. I don't know what to say. I can only say that I am thinking of you.

  10. Dear Karin & Craig,
    We love you both so much and are here if you need anything...a punching bag, a place to yell really loud or a 3 gallon picture of margarita's.
    You are so strong and will find a way to kick this cancer in the ass! Plus an army of extra feet for the kicking.

  11. Take a breath. Re-group. Dig in. Keep fighting with all of the strength and hope that is in you and in all of us out there that have you in their thoughts and prayers.

  12. I can't even say you're in my thoughts, I just can't stop thinking about you period. And I don't even know you personally.

    Every ounce of positive energy and love I have is being sent to you cross country right now.

    Cuddle Sammy and think good thoughts, you have a lot of people who care so, so much about you.

  13. I am thinking and praying for you. You are one of the strongest and kindest souls. God bless you.

  14. Know that you are in my prayers and on my personal prayer list!

    Offer at Metro Bis still stands!

  15. Your news sucks.

    You are on my prayer list.

    My offer at Metro Bis still stands.

    Hang in there and know that there are lots of us that you don't even know that are praying for you!

  16. Every day... several times a day... I tell my son (Moe) to talk to God and to nag Him - the way I know only Moe can - about you and your cancer. He's persistent, so... I hope it gives you hope and peace to know that my sweet angel is on the case for you! :) Colleen & Emil Renzullo (your mom's friend and co-worker)

  17. Karin,

    We are so sorry to hear the latest developments. You and your family have been and will continue to be in our daily thoughts and prayers. We hope God gives you the strength, willpower, and determination to fight this with every ounce of your being. Stay positive, and never, ever give up!!! You are a very beautiful and intelligent young woman, with a wonderful family and group of friends who will continue to route you on!!!!!!

    Frank and Laura Loyot and family

  18. Karin,

    I don't know you, but this one entry brings me close to you. I am in a similar situation with my cancer and I think I know how you feel.

    I won't repeat what everyone said here as I am sure that you will figure out what you need to do emotionally. If you hang in there, I'll do that same. Maybe we can help each other that way. Just do what is right for you.

  19. my thoughts are with you during this time.

  20. I'm just a stranger, but I wanted to say hello. No words of comfort, except to say that your friends and family and even strangers stand beside you.

  21. Karin,
    Stay strong! Keep fighting.....it's not over till it's over!!

  22. Karin-

    You have an unconquerable soul. Fight on! LiveStrong! Your will is amazing and we are all praying for you. Keep on!

  23. I'm one of the lurkers: you don't know me, I've never commented before, but I regularly read your posts! Karin, I am constantly amazed and humbled by your tenacity, strength, optimism, and love of life. In anyone they would be remarkable, but they are even more amazing considering the battles you are fighting. This news makes my heart hurt for you. There are people all over the world who are grieving with you over this development.

    Also - you look fierce in that wig!

  24. I, like others LIVE to read your posts- although its been a while I figured I hadn't read your blogs since you were diagnosed CANCER FREE and being a Cruise Consultant I couldnt wait to hear all about your trip. What a crappy surprise. All of my hopes, happiness, and dreams for you and your family came to a mind blowing halt. I am sooo pissed. Why? Can't God understand you have been through enough? That it's time for you to live the life that you have been cheated of all this time? That this stupid cancer needs to infect itself so it can leave everyone the hell alone? I just knew in my heart it was gone for good and I am so terribly sorry you are back under the cocktails of the devil. If anyone can kick its Ass its you!! I have this sneaking suspicion that YOU are going to make the list of Cure-Alls. Keep it Up Girl! YOU CAN DO THIS and the World is yours for the taking!! xoxo Prayers are being sent in mass form.