Tuesday, March 15, 2011

It Is Not My Time

I know that many people are out there who have been rooting for me and thinking about me these past couple of days so wanted to write a very brief update. I so much appreciate your support. More than I can ever express.

Unfortunately, I did not get the news that I was hoping for. Yesterday's PET Scan revealed that the cancer is no longer shrinking. In fact, it is growing, primarily in my chest and in several bones. The cancer has mutated itself yet again so that it is now resistant to the SGN-35 chemotherapy. It is fierce and intelligent.

I am thoroughly disappointed, very sad and exhausted. Though it is very unwelcome news, it does not come as a complete shock as I really had not been feeling well. I deeply feared that the cancer was again encroaching as much as I visualized otherwise. It is very difficult to take these blows. However, I have by no means lost hope, nor fight.

I cannot enter into the allogeneic transplant procedure while the Hodgkin's Disease is actively on the attack. In no pleasant terms, I would not make it through it. I need to be very close to remission with obvious signs that the cancer has surrendered. We just have not found the drug that will do that yet, but there are more options.

We are home now and Craig and I will head back to Sloan tomorrow evening with plans to see my lymphoma specialist on early Thursday morning. She has thoughts on a new clinical trial that just opened there with yet another promising experimental drug. Craig described it well today saying that we have a big locked box before us and a full key ring in our hands. We just need to find out which key will open that lock. One of them will, we just haven't tried it yet.

I have found this Mumford & Sons song to be a wildly appropriate expression of what I am feeling. I will not choke on this unwanted noose around my neck.

The Cave:

"So make your siren's call

And sing all you want

I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now

And I need to know how

To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke

On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain

And I will change my ways

I'll know my name as it's called again"


  1. Keep fighting, girl!!! You are a warrior.

  2. You WILL find the key!! WHat a great analogy...love you and Craig...the most genuine people i have ever met. Thinking of you often and praying for you always.

    A little quote i heard that i thought was fitting.....

    "I have heard there are troubles of
    more than one kind.
    Some come from ahead and some
    come from behind.
    But I've bought a big bat. I'm all
    ready you see.
    Now my troubles are going to have
    troubles with me!"
    ~Dr. Seuss

    May you always carry a big bat and keep fighting!

    Tiffany Mazzeo

  3. I am so sorry about the scan and I hope you find a treatment plan that works soon.

  4. Thinking of you!! Closing my eyes and envisioning the key with a perfect fit. Rebecca

  5. Karen, I don't know you but I want to tell you that: "You don't have cancer." the more of us who enter that into our belief system, the stronger it will be to becoming an actual belief. So, again, you don't have cancer. YOU DON'T have CANCER.

  6. Karen -- This is only a setback. You WILL prevail. Keep fighting! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  7. breaks my heart. thinking of you both. sending so much love and positive thoughts.

  8. karin - i'm a friend of miranda chapman's and have been following you surreptitiously for some time now - just to say i'm praying hard for you guys. this is a tough road, i'm inspired by your courage. blessings.

  9. Karin- Your spirit is incredible! Keep fighting past and know that we are thinking of and praying for you. We've got our fingers crossed for this new treatment!


  10. Karin - I cannot imagine your exhaustion and irritation with this cancer. I love Craigs analogy on the situation, he's awesome. I am praying and rooting for you. You've got this, I can't wait to read about it in the book you will write after this whole mess becomes your past and not your present. ((HUGS))

  11. Karin--I am so sorry about this setback. But I am sure you will find the right stuff and beat this viciousness. Gosh you are one strong woman! I can't wait to meet you one day.

  12. I am going to make you 6 dozen golden key cupcakes when you find the right key. And, when your book gets published, a big ass cake. In the meantime, fight, fight, fight. It may not be your time now, but it's about to be, so watch out, troubles!

  13. i also meant to say that Craig (as you are) is incredible. i don't know that I would think with such clarity.

  14. You are right, girl. It is NOT your time. You have so much still to share with the world and that is the darn TRUTH. Keep kicking ass.

    p.s. you have to be awesome if you love Mumford & Sons