Monday, September 9, 2013

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds


I desperately miss writing and apologize for not giving any updates and being so way behind on getting back to emails and messages. Things have been very difficult. I was in the hospital for 5 days last week. Extreme pain and the need for more blood products brought me in. I had severe pain over Labor Day weekend in my knees and my ankles, so bad that I could not walk. The nights were awful. Poor Craig had to deal with my screaming, crying anxiety attacks as I tried to handle the pain. I’d have Craig get me heat, then ice, then stack my legs on pillows, try to straighten them in front of me. Nothing worked.

While in the hospital, the goal was to titrate the pain medicine so that we had a good balance between the woozy side effects of the pain meds and keeping the pain under control. I’m home now and we’re not there yet. Today was very difficult. I felt sloshed and so weak. I puked last night after trying to get together my nighttime routine, then puked up a decent amount of OJ this morning after all the exertion of bringing my laptop, foods, and meds out onto the porch so I could enjoy some sun.

Everyone is very worried about me and wants me to accept more help and keep in better touch, but honestly, to send a text message or answer a phone call is so much work. I fall asleep and drop my phone while trying to reply all the time. I can spend extended amounts of time just staring into space and I hate it so much. I need to find some clarity. Obviously this amount of pain medication is too much but I’m so afraid of the level of pain if I come down.

My family and friends have been incredible whether it’s taking me to the hospital, visiting me in the hospital, or Craig and my mom being right there to get me whatever I need and make sure that I am comfortable.

My platelets are still very low, hanging around 10,000. Because of this, I am not able to continue on CEP oral chemo right now. I need to be at least 75,000 to take it. However, I am still able to take the Rituxan as it is a targeted antibody vs. traditional chemo and should not affect my blood counts. I got my second transfusion on Friday. I’m putting a lot of hope in this drug as I don’t know where else to turn.  Again, thank you for the supportive emails and comments. I look forward to when my head is clear again and I can get back to the craft that brings me so much happiness. Right now however, it takes me 20 minutes to write a short text message, so there won’t be any eloquent prose coming from this girl. In fact, I’m dictating this to Craig right now. 

23 comments:

  1. It is incredible and a true testament to your strength, spirit and selflessness that you would work to post with Craig while enduring such mind-blowing and consuming pain. Know that we relish every word but understand when you need to focus on your own health or your closest loved ones. Praying you have many peaceful moments in the sunshine. Much love from pa.

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  2. Hi Karin,
    There is no need to apologize. Although we miss your eloquent writing, we all completely understand. Please just stay focused on feeling better. You guys are always in my thoughts and prayers. I will be praying specifically for strength and for relief from this pain. Sending healing thoughts your way - Mark S.

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  3. you make a grocery list eloquent. I am so sorry for the hard times. Knowing you by blog alone is enough to know you deserve a lucky break.
    cmon universe, give the girl a break.

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  4. Hi Karin,

    I'm so sorry that you have been in so much pain. Im praying for you.

    Wendy

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  5. Can we clone Craig? Please give him an extra sweet kiss from his enormous fan base. Best of luck with the Rituxan.

    S



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  6. Sending love and support to you, Craig and the rest of the crew.
    -Sarah B.

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  7. You never need to apologize even though I, probably like many others, get a little freaked when there is such a long break between posts. I wonder if you are doing great and too busy to write or feeling eeewwwy and too tired to write. But whatever and however you post your messages is perfect. Feel much better soon. Not a big praying person but I will be thinking of you on Yom Kippur.
    The other karin diamond

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  8. Hi... never worry about disappointing US! Yes..... we miss your writings, wit and incredible creativity... BUT... what we all want is for you to feel well. Take all the time you need my dear!!!!!!!!!!! Sending love, warmth and light.

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  9. Karin,

    Sad to hear you've been this miserable (no mincing of words...). I keep you in my prayers! Craig; you are a special person and I've added yourself and Karin's family to my list...she needs you now more than ever. I know you'll all look back on this time and say it was extraordinary and it paid dividends when Karin is fully healthy again...

    John

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  10. It's just LOVE, that is all I see !......Your Love for life, Love of writing, Love between a husband and wife, Love from your family and friends, Love of Nature and all things beautiful, Love licks from Sammy dog.....LOVE !!! And it is "that Love" that will get you through this, for this I am certain.

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  11. Sending my love and prayers to you and your family, precious girl. Not a day or evening goes by that you are not in my prayers. Hope that this terrible pain can be brought under control. God bless you all and give you the strength you need now. You are so loved. Irene

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  12. oh the 'eloquent prose' that come from you whether you are posting or someone is assisting. I think all of us who have been following your words, reading your words ---- we all understand. Yes we are confident, sure, built-up, so empowered..........by all your posts of past, all your 'eloquent prose' of past.
    Karin, all your words have so empowered all of us. No mattered how it gets posted.
    Your words are strength, hope, joy,
    With love and all good things
    one of your persistent followers

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  13. Karin you are an amazing lady whose writing mixes humor, pain, strength and hope. I wish you relief from your pain and happiness for your spirit. You deserve all that life has to offer. We know you have a husband, family and Sammy who love you more then words or sweet dog kisses can say. Please don't feel pressure to write if you are not up to it. While many of us wait to hear that you are Ok, we can wait, what we all want is for you to take care of you. xo

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  14. All my love and warm thoughts, ALWAYs,

    Kathy M

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  15. Karin, you are a special girl. You always amazed me with your strength. I wish I could be of some help. Your body is failing, yet your soul is here. Lots of love and hugs ...

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  16. As the wind, laced with a bit of warmth, blows through the trees with a whistle and rustle, it reminds us that something wonderful is ending. The Harvest Moon now is waning - having been full on Thursday. Step out into the wind and feel its impact. And let it remind us of the strength and beauty that we have been part of.

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  17. As the wind......what an incredibly beautiful and poignant post. She will be missed.

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    Replies
    1. Yes as the wind was blowing I heard of the passing of Karin and the words seemed to appropriate

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    2. Yes as the wind was blowing I heard of the passing of Karin and the words seemed to appropriate

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  18. If any of Karin's readers know how she is doing or are intouch with her, please let her know how much we all have come to care for her west hartford reader

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  19. Sadly, she passed today.

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