Today was not a good day. I guess the steroids are out of the system and the chemo caught up with me, though I was able to extend the good days for longer this time around. The fatigue really started to set in yesterday. Morning was okay and we were able to go for a walk in-between squalls of this endless rain. But after cleaning the house a bit I was flat out. I curled up with a book and the dog and fell asleep just a few pages in for several hours, waking up in time for Father's Day at China Buffet--couldn't miss that!
But today was a whopper. It was very hard to get out of bed this morning, but I had an interview scheduled with a doctor for a story I am writing. Once I was up things were better. I got through the interview, wrote a story and ate breakfast, but by 2 p.m. the gas tank was empty. It's almost like I could feel my body imploding into itself. I couldn't stand up. Then I couldn't sit up. Then I couldn't focus on the computer screen anymore. It was time to sign off for the day.
The evil flogging feelings are back. However, it's like being beaten from the inside, like your bones are aching outward ... very strange and totally debilitating. As it's been before, it's not a regular kind of tired either, it's a deep, deep fatigue that there is no recovery from without sleep. So I had to force myself to succumb and crawl back into bed, the only way to give my body what it needs.
I just need to keep reminding myself that it's not the cancer that's winning, it's my body working incredibly hard to fight it that's knocking me down.
Hugs Karin. So sorry you are having such a hard day. Am praying for you. Hang in there. Tomorrow will be a better day. Much better. You are right - your body (and mind) is fighting the cancer and you're going to beat this thing hands down.
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly the right attitude. So proud of you! Your body is swinging and punching away at that cancer; although you are feeling those bruised knuckles from delivering the blows, the cancer is the one taking the true beating.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Kara
you are kicking that cancer's ass to the curb! but even full time cancer warriors need to take a nap (or four) - we're thinking about you in the Annex...
ReplyDeleteKarin, we all know you are a straight-up bada*s...strong, independent, with a will like a an ironwoman!! Just remember to listen to your a*s-kicking body because there is generations of wisdom in there and, as you know, the brain can't always win out. Resting and sleeping is a time for your body to rest, rejeuvenate, and HEAL. The meat-suit we wear around has its limits, even if they don't always match up with the brain. Don't worry, you're still tough as nails even if you have to rest and nap. No need to put your body through addiional stress by pushing hard. Love you xoxo lisa b.
ReplyDeleteI'm a friend of your sister's and I found your blog through her facebook page. I'm keeping up with your story and keeping you in my thoughts. I think your mind is exactly where it needs to be right now--you're body will catch up! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteHang in there and keep beating that cancer right out of you. Your great attitude and strength will take you all the way through this. By the way, I think your great comments about your dog and the perfect pictures has my daughter thinking a dog would be great, especially for running. I'm not sure her cat is going to agree.
ReplyDeleteThoughts and prayers coming your way.