I feel the clarity mostly in my chest. I'm able to breathe more deeply without any of that dull ache. The lymph nodes in my neck are nonexistent and the undulating pains in my internal nodes have waned completely. I repeat, this is a real, real nice feeling.
My energy is good – comparatively – and I'm feeling very strong and capable. I'm actually more eager than apprehensive for this upcoming scan. To have confidence right now is such a cherished gift. There was a while there where I began to be doubtful, where I began to let the frustration and fear take over and give in to the fact that the cancer just would not go away. I no longer feel that way.
I have complete confidence that I am in remission and that this upcoming allo transplant will be a massive success. The doctors will write about me in their journals and speak about me at their symposiums not just because of the rarity of my case, but because together we proved that it was conquerable.
I not only have the confidence in myself that I can and will get through and far past this, but also confidence that my medical team is doing the absolute best possible job. Together, we are creating the utmost perfect conditions for success. I've been listening to my body all along and it is now at the point where I can actually physically feel that my body agrees, wants this, and is open and ready.
My mind and spirit are happy to welcome the body in. These physical feelings have done a tremendous amount for my mentality and emotional stability. I'm enjoying every single thing I am doing each and every day to the absolute fullest and am not struggling with discontent. I'm more focused, more determined, more aware and connected than I've ever been in my life. The cells are aligning and soon will be dancing together again in harmony. We've got a long road still, but I'm fully ready to start walking it.
"Rise" by Eddie Vedder from Into the Wild: