Tuesday, December 7, 2010

There's Reason to Believe

I'm feeling great – better than I've felt in a very long time. It's difficult to explain, but there is a very distinct feeling in my body when the cancer is lurking. Right now, I am extremely confident that nothing is there and that this PET Scan will absolutely be clear. That's a real nice feeling.

I feel the clarity mostly in my chest. I'm able to breathe more deeply without any of that dull ache. The lymph nodes in my neck are nonexistent and the undulating pains in my internal nodes have waned completely. I repeat, this is a real, real nice feeling.

My energy is good – comparatively – and I'm feeling very strong and capable. I'm actually more eager than apprehensive for this upcoming scan. To have confidence right now is such a cherished gift. There was a while there where I began to be doubtful, where I began to let the frustration and fear take over and give in to the fact that the cancer just would not go away. I no longer feel that way.

I have complete confidence that I am in remission and that this upcoming allo transplant will be a massive success. The doctors will write about me in their journals and speak about me at their symposiums not just because of the rarity of my case, but because together we proved that it was conquerable.

I not only have the confidence in myself that I can and will get through and far past this, but also confidence that my medical team is doing the absolute best possible job. Together, we are creating the utmost perfect conditions for success. I've been listening to my body all along and it is now at the point where I can actually physically feel that my body agrees, wants this, and is open and ready.

My mind and spirit are happy to welcome the body in. These physical feelings have done a tremendous amount for my mentality and emotional stability. I'm enjoying every single thing I am doing each and every day to the absolute fullest and am not struggling with discontent. I'm more focused, more determined, more aware and connected than I've ever been in my life. The cells are aligning and soon will be dancing together again in harmony. We've got a long road still, but I'm fully ready to start walking it.

"Rise" by Eddie Vedder from Into the Wild:


  1. Karin,

    So glad to hear you're feeling much better than you've been....keep up this extreme positive attitude; you will beat and conquer this!!!!!!

    Wishing you and your family a healthy, peaceful, joyous holiday season. We continue to think of you, and keep you in our prayers.

    Frank and Laura Loyot

  2. LOVE it!!

    :) Michelle

  3. I listened to this song on my headphones while getting platelets today. I also listened to it as I did lap after lap around the hospital during my stem cell transplant. What a strange and beautiful coincidence.

    Ride the wave of confidence...all the way back to good health. You and me, K. Set the pace.

  4. DANCING TOGETHER IN HARMONY----the imagery is grand!

    Visualize, meditate, create the harmony of the 'healing and the cure' for you

  5. Visualize it! I have no doubt that your gut feeling is absolutely 100% right. We'll all be holding that healthy, triumphant picture of you in our heads, too!

    Love, Rie

  6. Karin, what amazing news! And what a gift for you to know, deep down in your soul, that you are ready to move forward, your body wants the healing, and you are headed toward success.

    I love how you're talking in the present tense -- this is the reality, it's here now, you don't have to wait for the good feelings of being-cancer free or the success of the transplant. Keep that feeling alive in you (feel it, remember it, write about it if you have to), and I know that you drawing excellent health directly towards you like a magnet.

    Whoopee! Lisa

  7. Girl- You've got this nipped and in the bag. I have no doubt with your faith and enthusiasm you will outshine and prove to the crappy cancer bugs they are NOT welcome and LIVE your life. Full speed ahead. I have you and EVERY cancer patient in my thoughts and prayers. Merry Christmas Karin!! I know you will get the best Christmas Gift ever and I'm backing you 110%. xoxo